Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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