Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
