So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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