After last night, I could never be a politician.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Randomize
