I looked at my own cervix.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
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i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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