He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
