Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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