She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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