I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
