I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
