Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
