the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
