Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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