why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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