It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
