It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
