I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
