Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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