I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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