I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
