dude i'm inner monologue high
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize