Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
