Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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