Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He felt like a one man threesome
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
