I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
