why didn't you poke me back
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
