You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
