tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
