3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
