Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
