i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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