belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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