yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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