Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
As shirtless as possible
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
