ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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