I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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