Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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