woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The dick lei will go down in squad history
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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