So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
