yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
