Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize