what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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