so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
