This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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