My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
