I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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