It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
