You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
