guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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