You work out of a Hotel?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
