I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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