Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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