omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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