he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
