hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
