why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
