i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
