clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
