How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
