i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
