saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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