We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
