Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
