I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize