Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
