Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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