A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
