Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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