Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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