apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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