Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
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It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
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I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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