I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
