Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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