Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
3 2 1 whiskey
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
