You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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