I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
