she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
