You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
