Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
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